Peace
Last night I dreamt about my Daddy. There was a meeting with hundreds of people all sitting in the front lawn of one of my relative’s homes and we were all talking and asking where my Daddy was because he hadn’t made it there yet…and then a picture flashed in my mind (all in my dream) and suddenly, there he was! He was in one row, and then another, and when I looked, he was all throughout the crowd. I woke up this morning and I dismissed the dream.
As I got my kids up and ready for school, I didn’t think too much about my dream. You see, I lost my Daddy, unexpectedly on October 8th. The devastation of being 8 hours away and my precious Daddy was gone... no chance that I could see him or hear his voice one last time. There were no words. My Daddy was so special to me for so many reasons. He LOVED me in the most intense sense of the word. When I received the call that he was gone, that Sunday afternoon, I honestly didn’t know if I would make it. This was one of my worst nightmares in life. I had literally worried about this very scenario ALL my life. I am an only child and regularly, I would dwell on, “ What if something happened to my parents??” When I say dwell, I mean DWELL! I was to the point of talking to God and asking that He take me first because I knew I couldn’t handle one of my parents dying. They have been with me the whole way and I couldn't bare being without them. I remember telling my husband years ago, “if anything happens to my parents, be ready to commit me because I am going to lose my mind!” I meant those words all those years ago…fast forward, I don’t know 16 years, and here I am…trying not to lose my mind.
“ You still know how to pray and read your Bible don’t you, Nette?”
It has been a little over 2 weeks and I can’t begin to tell you the amount of loss and pain and hurt I have had to try to understand. My Daddy did everything with me. He was at every major event in my life. He was my biggest cheerleader and one of my hardest critics. He would tell me that I needed to be strong but he would also let me be as emotional as I wanted to be ( and that is emotional, let me tell you!). He taught me and showed me the real life meaning behind Luke 6:28: Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. (KJV) Daddy taught me that you have to love everybody regardless of how they treat you; be respectful and upright. God is love was a saying that I have heard all my life.
My Daddy made sure that our family, immediate and extended, were always in contact and together. He was the one who would call and check on all of us to make sure we were ok. My Daddy sang to me, taught me how to snap my fingers and tie my shoes. He played games with me and he taught me that prayer, reading my Bible and being a good person was most important. My Daddy cared for me and this time has been unimaginable. I know who God is and what He can do, but honestly, I have been lost. I miss my Daddy. There are nights that I stand on my porch and cry..I call his name, “Daddy…”. It pains me that he isn’t here…But through my dream last night, I was reminded that Daddy IS here and he will always be here; through me and my children. And by the question he would ask of me countless times, “ You still know how to pray and read your Bible, don’t you, Nette?” I have been able to ask those people to pray for me when I haven't been able to even open my mouth. I have also been reminded of this most powerful scripture in Isaiah 26:3…
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee. (KJV)
God knows I have prayed for peace and understanding. Even though I am struggling to make it, minute by minute, hour by hour..day by day…the prayers of those interceding on my behalf have been working, I do believe. I’m still here! I haven’t lost my mind and God allowed my dream to remind me that my Daddy is not “gone”. He is EVERYWHERE, he’s just away for now. God knows what we need when we need it and I am so thankful to know He understands me even when I don’t have the words to say. He knows I need Him and He knows that the foundation my Daddy built would bring me to remember that I must trust God right now and keep my mind on the things of the Father. So, I will rest in that.