Who Do I Have to Be?

"It could all be so simple
But you rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars"
 

"Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity.
See, no one loves you more than me.
And no one ever will."

“Tell me who I have to be...” These are the lyrics from "Ex-Factor," and Lauryn Hill, one of my most favorite artists. (Can you believe that this is 20 years old??) This cut is from the album "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill." In ’97 I lived and breathed by this album. I wore it out.  I was reminded of the song for a couple of reasons. One, was my "Never give up" sign in my den, and two was going outside after dropping my kids off at school. Sounds interesting, right? 

It was crazy; I put my keys down, immediately walked out my back door, and I took in the morning air. The word “reciprocity” popped into my head. That word, "reciprocity" always makes me think of Lauryn; It just does. Her lyrics were so meaningful and powerful to me as a teenager back then. She was deep, ya'll! After that,  the phrase, “reciprocity equals relationship” slapped me in the face, right along with the balmy weather we're having right now. What does that mean?? Why am I thinking about this, I asked myself. Then I remembered. It’s directly related to my last blog post Share Yo’ Selfie. You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. The response was incredible. People really struggle with being ok with loving themselves enough to share. 

Why

I received so many messages from people thanking me for the post because the reality is, we don’t love ourselves!! Why do we not love ourselves? What is it? One "why" I found: love and relationship. We don't know how to have genuine relationships; with God, with ourselves, or with friends and family.

I had to search my own heart and I found that I don’t always love myself. To be honest, I haven’t always loved God the way I should. Say what?!?! Yep..real deal truth folks. Let me clarify. News flash..I haven’t always been saved and I have acted like a crazy person and made horrible decisions in my life and I have NOT honored God with the life I have been given. Even AFTER being saved, I have acted a fool and my life has not glorified God. But guess what….He has LOVED me anyway; ANYWAY!!! I have felt guilty about grace. I have felt guilty about the mercy that has been given to me… I have felt unworthy of His love and you know what, that has had a direct effect on the relationships in my life. 

Want to know something I am learning about myself?  Here it is: how I love God, how I trust Him, and how I interact with Him is exactly how I am with those around me and those I love. DING, DING!! Aha moment, right?? We have to realize that reciprocity equals relationship. It probably seems like that should be the other way around, but I don’t think so. Watch this. 

The Meaning

Reciprocity is the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit, especially privileges granted by one country or organization to another. A mutual dependence, action or influence. The latin word is “reciprocus” which means “moving back and forth”. It’s  actually a business oriented word. Reciprocity was a word describing movement of goods.

Relationship is the state of being connected or related. The mutual dealings, connections or feelings that exist between two parties, countries, people etc. Mutual is a key word in these definitions. See it’s a business thing. People tend to take things more seriously when it’s business. They tend to follow through because there are high stakes involved; currency, sacrifice, something that is valuable is at stake. 

Reciprocity equals relationship for me especially when it comes to what God has done; for me..for us. Let me walk you through it: The transaction was a life for a life-God sent His son, Jesus, to die for me so that I may live. (John 3:16) Jesus did something that I could never do. Transparency moment here- as much as I love my children I could never die for them because I am too selfish to ever have to leave them. I would want to stay with them forever to make sure they were ok, but Jesus saw the Father’s will for us, His children,  and He knew it was necessary! I am limited in my thinking but Jesus knew that God was all knowing. The exchange was made for a mutual benefit. My life was worth dying for BEFORE I was created so that I COULD be created to bring Him Glorrrrrrrey….whoa! Mutual benefit. He knew me before I knew myself and He still allowed me to be here despite knowing me, good gracious!! Do ya’ll see what God did?!? He knew me and still cared. He sent Jesus, who was flawless, to die so I, flaws and all, could live to bring Him glory (PRAISE BREAK!!!) That is what I was created to do; worship and bring Him praise. (Isaiah 43:7, Rev 4:11)

The Process

When we realize we are good enough for God,  we can then realize we are worth living. Living means we are being. When we are “being” we are ok with who we are. We don’t have to live, look like, or be like anyone else because we are made in His image. Acts 17:28 tells us that it is in Him we live, and move and have our being. We are His offspring. So if we take the time to look deep inside ourselves we find God and when we do that, we are satisfied with who we are; because He is everything and there is no need for anything else. 

So I leave you with these lyrics once more to ponder. I often wonder if God isn’t saying this to us sometimes.…all He wants is a little reciprocity. When we love Him and I mean really LOVE Him, we love ourselves. Never give up. It's a process, but we can do it.  He trusted us to, that's why He died for us. Believe that. 

"Tell me who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
See no one loves you more than me
And no one ever will…."

(me whispering) Thank you, Lord…

Share Yo' Selfie. You Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I am obsessed with pictures. I love everything about what a good photograph represents; the memory, the message it sends to not only people who see it, but all of those who are in the photograph. There is something that just makes you smile when you see a great image.  I sat looking through my own photos, and then realized how many selfies I had in my phone. There were seriously what seemed to be 30 of the same pose/expression. What in the world?? Whhhyyyy??? (insert face plant into my palm) As I begin to look through all the pictures, a flood of emotions go through my mind. I feel silly for taking all the pictures. I feel guilty for taking the 5 minutes it took because I have a sink full of dishes that need to be done or clothes that need to be folded and everything else I could/should be doing. I also feel like, “Yaaassss, honey! Today was a good day!” All of that over a selfie. Crazy, right? Or is it? 

The Process

We have been so conditioned to find fault in our own appearances. We have been made to feel like we have to look like someone else to be beautiful. The devil is a liar. We have so many images around us that attempt to make us feel like we need to do one more thing and THEN we will be “beautiful.” When we finally find something we like about ourselves, it kind of makes us feel strange; but why?

"Why?", is a great question. Why do I have 30 selfies of the same expression in my phone? Why did I want to take that selfie in the first place? Why did I not like the first 29? Why do I feel bad for loving my own picture? Why?

After I have that crazy conversation with myself,  I get to the “what” part of the whole selfie situation. What did I like about my hair, my face, my outfit, my makeup, my expression? What did I see that made me feel so good that I took the time to celebrate? I realized what it was. It was the 5 minutes I took for myself that felt worth it. I loved the way I looked. I loved the way I felt. I loved me.  I didn’t compare myself to anyone else. This was me. My selfie. No one else can have my selfie. This was my up close expression of who I wanted to share with everyone. I loved my skin. I loved how my hair fell just right. I loved how pretty my eyes looked. I loved how I didn’t have to smile to be “pretty”. I loved how strong my expression was, yet how feminine I was able to be all at the same time. This was who I wanted to share. This was me. It may have taken me 30 times to find the 1, but guess what? I did it. That one photograph captures who I am and I was so pleased with it, I shared. That’s the thing about selfies.

See, normally when you take a selfie, there isn’t a committee of people you show it to and say, “hey…which one of these do you like?” Nope, it’s usually just you, the mirror and your phone. You may be in your car, the bathroom at Lowes Hardware, the kitchen, the hallway, anywhere. You may be dressed up or you may even have a blouse on top and sweat pants on the bottom; 'cause we all know, if that face is right, that's all that matters! We're taking that waist-up picture, honey and no one has to even know!! We push, “post” or “share” and that’s all she wrote. 

Don't feel bad. Don't downplay it. That post is huge, girl.  That action shows strength. It shows self-acceptance. It speaks Psalm 139:14

I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works;
and that my soul knoweth right well. (KJV)

When It "Clicks," You Get It

You see, when I share a selfie, it says I don’t look like what I have been through. It says, I believe that I am beautiful right now and despite what I may have felt like before, this picture gives God glory because I am smoking hot!! That selfie shares what my soul knows. When I share, it may not be for the people who see it, but it is definitely for me. When I post a selfie, I am screaming from the top of my lungs, “Ayyyyeeee God!!! Marvellous are thy works! I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I don’t have to meet any standard. I meet Yours. Thank ya, Lord!”

That is what led me to start this movement. The #shareyoselfie movement! On my Instagram and Facebook pages, I asked for women to send me one of their favorite selfies. It was a way that they could share themselves with me and the world. I only wanted 25 selfies, but I received more. To me, this gives God glory. Each of these ladies have a story. Each of these ladies have a reason they love the images of themselves, and they were able to share that piece of themselves with me.  For that, I am thankful. That action showed strength. That action showed self-acceptance. The act of sharing what they felt was the best of themselves screamed Psalm 139:14. 

As you look at each image, see the best. See God’s glory in each and every expression. I hope you see that these ladies were able to love themselves enough to share. 

“It’s my favorite selfie because...one, it was actually the first pic of 2018. I felt refreshed, ready for my 12 new chapters and my 365 chances to SLAY in every way this year. It’s my bring it on face, because I’m ready for whatever you have in store for me, 2018. #theyearofchange #positivevibesONLY”

— sincerelylifeby_zoe

Thank you, ladies. I know this may seem like a very small thing that you did by sharing your up close and personal shot, but it's not. Remember, it only takes a one pebble to create a rockslide. Here's to mountains being moved! I love you for loving yourself. I love you for loving and trusting me with your image.  To God be the glory.....

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